This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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