john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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