This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
