3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
