i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
