I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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