I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
