hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
