Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
