Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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