I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
