New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
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