just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
