my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
