I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
