she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
