Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
