1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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