He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
