I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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