I want to walk on stilts...naked
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
