Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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