is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
