Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
