I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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