All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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