My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
