I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
