If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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