Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
