In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
