I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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