I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
