hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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