That's when you crack a 10am beer
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
