Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Your penis caused this!
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