hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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