..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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