Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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