rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Randomize
