he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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