Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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