my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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