i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You pole danced in your parka.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
