we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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