i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
