Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
