He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
