Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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