I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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