woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
