turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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