Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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