Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
