i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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