too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
