just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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