I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
