last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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