We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
