I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
